Ricky Walker Does Stand-Up

I gave poetry a try when I was depressed so it would only make sense for me to try and come up with a stand-up comedy set when I’m feeling jovial, right? Granted, it won’t seem as funny reading it off a monitor as opposed to actually seeing and hearing the set just trust me, it’s hilarious. One last thing, I came up with an on-stage persona by the name of Richard Churches who is the loser version of yours truly (essentially the high school version of yours truly.)

Now introducing, Richard Churches!!!

Hey everybody. This is my first time doing stand-up so be kind. Honestly, I don’t think I’m that funny but most of my friends say I am so I wanted to prove them wrong. Now that I think about all my friends find me funny. All 4…check that, all 3 of ‘em.

Now I know what some of you may be thinking, “Churches, that’s a weird last name. It’s even weirder when you’re an atheist with the last name Churches. I’m not really an atheist, but my friends all go to a public junior high school and don’t know what agnostic means.

If I had to choose a religion though, I’d probably go with Rastafarianism. I’m sure you guys could probably guess why, right… It’s the hair. I’d love to have dreadlocks. But seriously, I’m down with any religion that embraces marijuana as much as those guys do. I would be in Mass everyday, twice a day, if I was a Rastafarian. Praise be to ganja!

Besides, I need a new dealer since my last one moved away. He’s actually living in a gated community now, Riker’s Island. Yeah, he’s in jail. What sucks is that it was my fault too. The cops caught me with a joint on the street so I thought by snitching, they would just let me go. Bastards arrested my friend and STILL made me pay that stupid $100 fine those assholes. Well ex-friend I should say, he was friend number 4 I mentioned earlier.

We were actually still cool after he got locked up but after a while he took me off of his visitors list since I would keep showing up asking for an ounce of weed. He didn’t find it funny. I mean, I didn’t think he could get into anymore trouble but apparently jails have this thing called ‘solitary confinement’ where they keep a prisoner isolated for a long period of time which my friend wasn’t a big fan of for some reason. I don’t know why because if I was in Riker’s I’d much rather be isolated and not have to constantly worry about getting shanked or getting raped. Besides, I’d still have my right-hand and my vivid imagination so I could keep myself busy for quite some time…

Well that’s all I came up with so far. I might go back later and fix it up a bit and add some more material if I feel like it.

*Any comedian found retelling any part of this material without the express written consent of Ricky Walker will be condemned by Ricky Walker on facebook AND twitter.*

Just The Way I Was Feeling at the Time...

Unanswered

I wish I could practice what I preach.
There's a lot for me to learn, but no one wants to teach.
Feeling like I'm on a short leash. What I want, just out of reach.

So I too say fuck it because no one else really cares.
People say they're my friends but no ones truly there.
Not with a kind word. Not even a silent prayer.

I can only see the world through my eyes and my vision has gotten blurry.
But these problems are my own. I no longer expect anyone else to worry.
Cries for help go unanswered. I just wish the end would get here, and hurry.

My 3rd Poem

Nothing says emo like a poem so here's another one from the twisted mind of Ricky Walker...

Talking to Myself

I wake up every morning with a pain in my chest.
Could it be from a lack of love or is it too much stress?
I should go to a doctor but I go to my dealer instead.
Bottle up my problems 'cause dealing with 'em brings up feelings I dread.

I gotta talk to myself 'cause I'm the only one who listens.
Had some good friends, but now I never see 'em. I miss them.
You see, you would think I'm an arsonist from the bridges I've burned.
I grew up with the mentality of a narcissist, but now I've learned
that the amount of love you get is determined by how much you give in return.

But I'm still sleeping too damn much, I need a reason to live.
Find a good job, a wife, have a few kids.
Instead here I am now with nothing. It is what it is.
No. Fuck that. Stop bitching because everyday is a gift.

Gotta keep moving. Can never stay still.
I can still be whatever I want, that's my power of will.