Ricky Walker Does Stand-Up

I gave poetry a try when I was depressed so it would only make sense for me to try and come up with a stand-up comedy set when I’m feeling jovial, right? Granted, it won’t seem as funny reading it off a monitor as opposed to actually seeing and hearing the set just trust me, it’s hilarious. One last thing, I came up with an on-stage persona by the name of Richard Churches who is the loser version of yours truly (essentially the high school version of yours truly.)

Now introducing, Richard Churches!!!

Hey everybody. This is my first time doing stand-up so be kind. Honestly, I don’t think I’m that funny but most of my friends say I am so I wanted to prove them wrong. Now that I think about all my friends find me funny. All 4…check that, all 3 of ‘em.

Now I know what some of you may be thinking, “Churches, that’s a weird last name. It’s even weirder when you’re an atheist with the last name Churches. I’m not really an atheist, but my friends all go to a public junior high school and don’t know what agnostic means.

If I had to choose a religion though, I’d probably go with Rastafarianism. I’m sure you guys could probably guess why, right… It’s the hair. I’d love to have dreadlocks. But seriously, I’m down with any religion that embraces marijuana as much as those guys do. I would be in Mass everyday, twice a day, if I was a Rastafarian. Praise be to ganja!

Besides, I need a new dealer since my last one moved away. He’s actually living in a gated community now, Riker’s Island. Yeah, he’s in jail. What sucks is that it was my fault too. The cops caught me with a joint on the street so I thought by snitching, they would just let me go. Bastards arrested my friend and STILL made me pay that stupid $100 fine those assholes. Well ex-friend I should say, he was friend number 4 I mentioned earlier.

We were actually still cool after he got locked up but after a while he took me off of his visitors list since I would keep showing up asking for an ounce of weed. He didn’t find it funny. I mean, I didn’t think he could get into anymore trouble but apparently jails have this thing called ‘solitary confinement’ where they keep a prisoner isolated for a long period of time which my friend wasn’t a big fan of for some reason. I don’t know why because if I was in Riker’s I’d much rather be isolated and not have to constantly worry about getting shanked or getting raped. Besides, I’d still have my right-hand and my vivid imagination so I could keep myself busy for quite some time…

Well that’s all I came up with so far. I might go back later and fix it up a bit and add some more material if I feel like it.

*Any comedian found retelling any part of this material without the express written consent of Ricky Walker will be condemned by Ricky Walker on facebook AND twitter.*